Happy Cancerversary to Me!

Since there aren’t that many people out there who want to celebrate my life and my journey with me, I’m just going to do it myself! Two years ago on this day, I was formally diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer. Of course the beast has been in my body for longer than two years, but it was confirmed on October 8, 2019, so this is the date I will acknowledge. My last two posts have recounted my trail of surviving the deadliest cancer out there. You can read them here and here.

I was on a train bound for New York City’s Penn Station last weekend when I started writing down ideas for this post, and decided that I would share my thoughts in two categories: What I’ve Learned, and What I’ve Accomplished, in the past two year. A few years before my diagnosis I was told by someone that I use the word “I” much too much, but screw him. I’ll be using it ad nauseam here to make my point, and I think I’ve earned it!

Ready?

What I’ve Learned

• I’ve learned more about my strength and spirit than I’ve ever wanted to know.
• I’ve learned more about cancer than I’ve ever wanted to know.
• I’ve learned more about people than I’ve ever wanted to know.
• I’ve learned that some people like you better when you’re down.
• I’ve learned that some people are never going to like you, up or down.
• I’ve learned that some people don’t have compassion unless something is happening to them.
• I’ve learned that people throw the word “love” around but don’t know what it means.
• I’ve learned that “love” really needs to mean more than just a word.
• I’ve learned who my true supporters are.
• I’ve learned that to survive, I had to let go of those who aren’t.
• I’ve learned that people will crush you in the worst of times.
• I’ve learned to keep going in spite of them.
• I’ve learned that me with cancer and me without cancer aren’t that different.
• I’ve learned to live my life in mostly the same way even though I have cancer.
• I’ve learned that terms like “fighter” and “warrior” only serve to move you away from being YOU.
• I’ve learned to reject those terms.
• I’ve learned that for many people, my illness is over, even if it will never be over for me.
• I’ve learned not to underestimate the power of cancer.
• I’ve learned not to underestimate the power of ME.
• I’ve learned that it’s okay to let my “strong” guard down once I shut the door on the world outside.
• I’ve learned that the world keeps turning, even though I have cancer.
• I’ve learned that my world keeps turning, even though I have cancer.
• I’ve learned that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for anyone.
• I’ve learned that my life still matters, even if I have cancer.

What I’ve Accomplished

• I’ve lived through cancer in my lung, neck, sternum, hips, pancreas, stomach, and chest wall.
• I’ve been on four road trips.
• I’ve written a 42,000 word book about my cancer journey. (Unpublished)
• I’ve begun another book about a woman living with ALS.
• I’ve written 45 blog posts.
• I’ve walked/hiked 3,350 miles. (Not a misprint.)
• I’ve lost me.
• I’ve found me again.
• I’ve continued my life in full for two years, with cancer.
• I’ve ridden 110 miles on my $100 bike.
• I’ve revisited 18 states.
• I’ve booked my first trip out of the country since summer of 2019.
• I’ve rebooked and gone on two of the three trips I had to cancel for cancer.
• I’ve continued my teaching career through COVID19 and cancer.
• I leased a brand new car but kept my old one!
• I was debt free for a year.
• I’ve used up two of my nine lives on cancer.
• I’ve found solace in art, but am no great artist!
• I’ve explored New England more intensely than ever.
• I’ve found friendships with a few of the greatest people anyone could possibly ask for.
• I’ve left friendships that weren’t productive.
• I’ve been blessed with the constant love of three family members.
• I’ve left family relationships that weren’t productive.
• I’ve requested no sympathy.
• I’ve held fast to my dreams for the future.
• I’ve tried to help others with cancer to do the right thing.
• I’ve survived and thrived because I LOVE LIFE.

I rest my case as I look toward the future.