The Girl Who Didn’t Want To Go Groupie

Dandelion Dagger and Highway Child wanted me to be part of their groupie trio, out to conquer the hair metal world.  I don’t know what they saw in me.  All I wanted to do was make jewelry.  They pulled me in because they were so interested in where I came from and why I was in L.A. making jewelry for rock stars.  They were my sisters that day on the sidewalk.

Ma and Pa can’t ever know I’m a groupie, because then they’ll laugh in my face and say, See?  You’re a dumb, good for nothin’ girl.  Just like we always said!

Oh dear, there I go wringing my hands again, because I know that I’ve said too much.

Please don’t tell them all the bad things that I’ve just confessed.

Let’s keep it our little secret.

-Carolina Clampett, Girls Gone Groupie

Girls Gone Groupie: How Highway Child Got Her Name

Laugh all you want. But Highway Child is the only title I have. No, there’s not any hidden normal moniker on some rumpled birth certificate like Lisa or Jane or Kelly, so get over it. I had to. The story I remember being told goes something like this: my loser parents didn’t know what to call me when Mommy popped me out in the back seat of their stolen Caddy. So, they said something totally stupid like, “We’re just gonna call you the highway child until we think of a name for you.” But they were too stoned to come up with a name, so Highway Child just stuck. When I ended up in L.A. when I was fifteen I decided to shorten it to H.C. And there you have it. The End.

A Message from Dandelion of Girls Gone Groupie:

Me, Daddy’s little spring flower? I think not!  I have my own rock and roll story now.

Dandelion Dagger, thanks very much. You know my daddy Derek, blues rock relic from waaay back in the 60s and 70s.  You may even know my notorious mama, Tulip.  She’s the most famous groupie of yesterday. Daddy wants me to follow in his footsteps.  But man, it’s the 1980s, hair is big, and I want to be big, too.  Bigger than Mama, better than Mama. All I need is that mysterious, disappearing bad girl Highway Child that I met at Hollywood High to come speeding back into my life.  Then we can track down little miss southern belle Carolina Clampett, Daddy’s favorite teen backstage queen, and mold her into our third wheel, whether she likes it or not.

Oh, the tales we’ll tell!

Watch out, Sunset Boulevard.  Things are about to get hairy.